Always look for an alternate solution

For last three weeks, I have started a new experiment with my  younger one.

Since she is the youngest and just seven year old. She used to often get upset , throw tantrums , get angry and refused to do her home work and any other things she needs to follow on daily basis.

Till few weeks ago, on some days I would really find it difficult to control her behavior and also ensure that she completes her studies and other assignments.

My only solution in such scenarios -  I used to stop talking to her or giving her any response. This would generally control her and then she would say sorry and we used resume the activity we were doing.. I used to get things done but  never on a happy note

One day I just felt why should I use a threatening technique to control her behavior  She is a 7 year old child. How can I expect her to be at her best behavior all the time. And how can I deprive her from mother's affection and love even for 3-5 minutes.

It lead me into thinking of a better way of doing it.

Did I find it ... you bet I did.

Whenever she would throw tantrum or get upset with us, I started copying her. If she would lie on floor , I would follow. If she goes to other room I would follow her. If she is sitting with crossed leg and head down, I would do that.If she goes and hides behind the curtain, I would do the same. Basically I started imitating everything she would do when she was upset.

The result was that after three -four such actions, she would give a little smile. She treated at it as a game between mumma and her. The smile would be followed with a big hearty laugh. I would then tell her why we need to do the task in hand right away and she would comply without any fuss..

It made my days so blissful. Earlier getting her to do her homework would at times just drain my energy and patience, and would seem such a daunting task. But this wonderful workaround left both of us happy. There were no arguments, no shouting... everything just fell into place so easily.

All it needed was a change of approach from my end.

My daughter is still the same , a little kid who is just having fun. I have changed and am happy with the change.

Note : It's been two months since I started this practice. It still works. Now there are rare occasions when this does not work, and that much I can manage.

Raising kids 1

This post is part inspired by my personal experience as mom and part triggered by recent incident narrated by a friend about her neighbor. The lady, whose behavior prompted me to write this particular blog, has two kids aged 5.5 and 3.5 years old.

She was pushing and thrashing her kids, because the elder one scored zeroes in all his assessments. My friend intervened and stopped that, but she wondered what more she could have done.

Parenting skill is something that is relative what works for me may not work for her. And I do not have any proof that my parenting style is better. But I do believe that raising kids are like maintaining a bed of flowers. You need to nurture them with loving care, guidance and support.

Let me begin by asking, how you would nurture a sapling to grow into a flower blooming plant.

1)     You start by choosing the proper pot for your plant.

2)     You then make a mix of soil and fertilizers (need basis) to get nourishing mixture and pour it into the pot.

3)     You put your little prized sapling deep into the soil and pour a little water each day till the roots are holding the soil strongly.

4)     Slowly you see it grow with each passing day.

5)     You pour small quantity of water ensuring that in the process you do not damage it’s developing roots.

6)     You weed it regularly, so that its growth is not impacted by the weeds.

7)     Occasionally you prune it.

8)     Within few weeks/months your plant will bloom flowers.

9)     Then you can admire the result of all your hard work of so many months.

Questions

10)What if you added too much water in initial few days?

11)What if you pour whole week’s water supply in one day and then for the rest of the week ignored the sapling because of your work commitments?

12)What if instead of gently & carefully watering it, you emptied the entire water can in one go?

13)Will the sapling grow into a healthy plant?

In all possibility it might not grow at all. All you will be left with is a rotten set of stems and leaves.

14) You can keep wondering on what went wrong.

15) After all you did give the entire week’s water supply to it. So what if, it’s done in a single day.

16) Everything else was readily available for the plant, the soil, the sunlight, its own chlorophyll.

17) If it wished it would have turned into a plant with beautiful flowers.

18) Whose fault is it… plants or yours?

19) Keep thinking …. … You already know the answer.

20) All you needed to give the sapling was water at regular intervals, rest all was taken care of by the sapling itself.

21) But you failed to even provide that essential water supply and that and only that was your crucial contribution for its growth.

I will conclude this in one more blog, as what my friend had narrated me was very overwhelming  and today I can manage to write only this much.